I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
