you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
