I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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