Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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