Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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