my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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