I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize