the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
