the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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