Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
