my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
