I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
