so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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