she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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