In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
