I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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