My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
