I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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