Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
