I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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