Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
