I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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