Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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