I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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