Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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