I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
