Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
