then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
