I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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