even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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