we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
