Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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