i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
