but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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