First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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