Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
