True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
