just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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