I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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