I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Green mimosas i think yes
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
