In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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