Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
