just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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