Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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