Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
