just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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