i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
