Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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