i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
