went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
