This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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