I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You may now shotgun with the bride
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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