none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
