6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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