Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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