is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
