You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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