Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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