Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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