i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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