I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
