...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Randomize
