I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There r osticjed everywhere
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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