she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
