I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
