i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
