Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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